For small groups to work, they have to actually be small. For upper elementary, aim for a maximum of eight people (including the leaders). With younger kids, try to keep groups to five people or fewer. 

Children typically feel safer sharing in same-gender environments where peers and adults share common experiences with them. However, training and guidance are critical. Boys may not feel safe sharing, even if their leaders are male, if those leaders are unable to create a supportive, responsive environment.

The purpose of small group is to foster a strong faith community and provide mentorship and discipleship. For this to happen, children need uninterrupted opportunities to talk about their lives, seek help for their problems, and express their feelings.

Although biblical application may be part of the discussion, this is not a time for teaching. It is a time for children to be heard. Leaders should create space for children to share rather than interjecting their own opinions or re-hashing the lesson.

Many children never experience anything like small group, where adults and peers give them their undivided attention and respond to their thoughts and feelings with empathy and encouragement. Thus, they do not automatically understand how small group “works.” They have to be explicitly taught.

Rules and expectations should be presented explicitly using developmentally-appropriate language. It may be necessary to review the rules at the beginning of small group every week until they are a firmly-established part of the group culture.

You can find tips for creating small group rules and teaching active listening in our free Small Group Toolkit for Children’s Ministry.

When it comes to community, consistency is key. Children need time to meet in their small groups every week. They also need enough time for meaningful engagement. For young children, this might be 5 to 10 minutes. For upper-elementary, this could be anywhere from 20 to 45 minutes. 

Additionally, it’s essential that the same children and leaders meet together each week. Small group leaders will not be effective if they attempt to serve every other week or on a monthly rotation.

It can take a long time for a group to bond. On average, it takes about 18 months for a leader to really begin to “gel” with their group. Thus, it is very important that leaders move up with their kids each year so that they can maintain and deepen their relationships over time. This is especially true for children who have experienced trauma because it takes them a long time to develop trust with a new person. If children have a new small group leader every year, it will seriously undermine the cohesiveness of the group.

Some ministries make the mistake of moving straight from a twenty-minute lesson into a twenty-minute small group time. It’s too long for the kids to sit still and focus. Even a short walk, stretch break, or thirty-second run can refresh their minds and bodies before small group. Some children also find it easier to focus when they have water and a healthy snack because chewing aids in concentration (and the snack makes kids more excited about small group time).

Some curricula provide small group “discussion questions” to go along with the lessons. Although these can provide some value, they often misalign with the needs of the kids in that present moment. Talking to the kids about their lives and praying with them is most important. If there’s time left over, evaluate whether the discussion questions would be helpful to the group and adapt them as needed.

When a leader shares their own thoughts and feelings, it can help the kids feel safer opening up. But before you speak, WAIT. That stands for Why Am I Talking? There are several good reasons for talking about your own life:

• Building rapport with the group
  Breaking the ice when everyone is afraid to speak up

• Normalizing an experience by letting them know you went through the same thing as a child

• Reducing shame by sharing your own mistakes and failures

• Offering hope when you have overcome something a child is currently struggling with

When you share your own story, keep it brief (one or two sentences). That way, you don’t lose their attention or waste their small group time.

When you take prayer requests, offer your own sincere prayer request and let the kids pray for it. It’s a powerful to connect with the group. Just make sure what you share is age-appropriate!

Each week, every child should have an opportunity to share individually while enjoying the group’s undivided attention. Instead of asking, “How is everyone doing?” or “Does anyone have any prayer requests?” check in with each and every child one-by-one. You will be surprised by what you learn and by the powerful opportunities this gives you to minister to the kids in your group.

You can find several examples of check-in routines in our free Small Group Toolkit for Children’s Ministry.